Every now and then, life offers an opportunity to see how far you’ve come. It provides the chance to test your resolve and to see if you will fall into the old habits of behavior, or whip out your shiny new learnings and do something different. Lissa Rankin, a blogger, public speaker and motivational person calls this dealing with your “gremlins.” Gremlins are those nagging doubts, insecurities and ineffective patters of behavior that we all have.
Something happened the other day that sent me for a loop and got my gremlins all in a tizzy. I had a relationship for a couple of years with someone that I cared about a great deal. Things went south, and I ended the relationship that we had because it had become toxic for both of us. Since then, she has reached out in her way, but what she was doing wasn’t working for me and left me feeling upset and frustrated.
Time for Something Different
I received a message from her a couple of days ago, and I decided that it was time to establish my boundaries with her. This is something that I really struggle with but have been working on in all of my relationships. Her response was really awful—attacking and hurtful. The strength of the anger in the note made me jump back in the chair when I read it.
Me vs. Gremlins
It took me a little while to process it, and though I really wanted to, I decided to not respond. My inner nurterer wanted to reach out to her as I know she’s hurting. I didn’t because it’s not ok to violate my boundary, and it’s not ok to attack someone like that. She’s now at an age that she needs to learn this lesson. I also felt a need to smooth things over and I didn’t because I don’t want to get back onto that emotional roller coaster that we once called a relationship. Maybe at some point we can try again, but it’s clear in my mind that the time is not now.
A New Chapter
I tend to internalize things and slowly, I’m learning that it’s not always about me. It’s my responsibility to set boundaries and if someone has an issue with that, it’s their issue. As a child, we don’t have much of a choice with many of our relationships. As an adult, I won’t apologize for making sure relationships feel good. I’ll do what I can to fix things and if I can’t, then I’m learning to let go.