Monthly Archives: February 2014

Winding Roads and Moving Forward

I started this blog with the simple goal of doing something I’m passionate about, writing. I decided to write about things that I enjoy and that challenge me like attaining balance (work-life balance in particular, as that’s been a real struggle for me), seeking happiness and pursuing my passions. After I was writing for a little while, I thought that some people may actually enjoy my musings, so I decided to share them. I am passionate about writing, and the act of self-expression is very liberating. Particularly as expressing my feelings is something that I’m still learning to do.

I’m so thrilled by the comments that I get in the blog, on my Facebook page or in private messages. I appreciate that some of what I write touches people and that you can relate. I went through so much of my life thinking that I was different, and that I was the only one growing up in an unhappy and abusive family. I spent so much energy plastering a smile on my face to hide what I was really feeling that I lost my ability to feel for a long time.

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Opening the door to feel again was both good and bad. It wasn’t easy trudging through the past, though I’m glad I did the work to get me to where I stand now. I have learned that I don’t really need to process everything to heal. I need to forgive others, and particularly to forgive myself, acknowledge the feelings and choose to move on. Recognition and forgiveness have allowed me the freedom to mourn and let go.

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

I don’t intend for this blog to be a diatribe about all that I’ve been through, but more an outlet for things that are going through my mind. I feel like I’m processing things on overdrive and the more I open myself to the possibilities the more I’m growing and experiencing. The more I’m growing, the more I’m attracting like-minded people that I can continue the work with. Manifestation is a beautiful thing, especially when you feel you deserve the beauty and joy that you draw to you.

I can be pretty hard on myself, especially when I find I’m repeating behaviors that I’m not happy with. I’ve heard people say this is like falling in a pothole over and over. Instead of doing this, I’m focusing on being grateful for those experiences that help me recognize that I can make better choices. I can choose to try something different.

“Until a person can say deeply and honestly say, “I am what I am today because of the choices that I made yesterday,” That person cannot say, “I choose to otherwise.”” ~Stephen R. Covey

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The Path Through the Woods

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell

Fall is my favorite season. I loved everything about it when I lived near Boston. I loved the kaleidoscope of stunning hues of red, gold, orange interspersed through greens, browns and blues. The bright red shock of birch and oak leaves and the cool breeze becoming more crisp while whipping off the water, causing the fallen leaves to stir.

ImageAutumn is a magical time of transition and beauty.

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Like the seasons, relationships change too. They can grow closer or more distant, eventually dissipating like the fall leaves sprinkling the ground. Each leaf was once a thing of beauty that will be taken back up to feed the tree to grow new branches and leaves. The cycle repeats.

Late fall, once all the leaves were on the ground and the trees were bare, before the first snow fall always made me sad and nostalgic for what once was.

Sometimes it seems that closing doors bring about the energy that it takes to open a new door. I’m not going to offer a biopic of all of my failed relationships, but I’ve learned that relationships often have a duration and that it’s ok—because from each I learn new things about myself and others. Each relationship prepares me for the next in its own way. And there can be joy in cherishing the wonderful memories instead of sorrowfully clinging to what once was.

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Doors open when we let go of relationships that no longer serve us. Learning to look towards the opening door instead of longingly at the closed one isn’t easy.

It’s also not easy to reopen closed doors. I recently received an email from someone I considered a very close friend. We had drifted despite my best efforts to maintain the friendship. I realized that as much as I cared, I couldn’t, and didn’t want to, do it on my own. I said goodbye in my way and decided to remember her with love instead of hurt.

Her email asked me to forgive her for being a bad friend, and for her lack of communication over the last couple of years. It offered no excuses just a simple apology and a statement of her feelings.

I’ve missed her friendship, and when I allowed myself to realize that the distance between us wasn’t all about me, it allowed me to let her go when she needed that. Then it enabled me to welcome her with open arms when she came back. I don’t know where things will lead, but that’s ok. That’s really not the point.