Tag Archives: choice

Winding Roads and Moving Forward

I started this blog with the simple goal of doing something I’m passionate about, writing. I decided to write about things that I enjoy and that challenge me like attaining balance (work-life balance in particular, as that’s been a real struggle for me), seeking happiness and pursuing my passions. After I was writing for a little while, I thought that some people may actually enjoy my musings, so I decided to share them. I am passionate about writing, and the act of self-expression is very liberating. Particularly as expressing my feelings is something that I’m still learning to do.

I’m so thrilled by the comments that I get in the blog, on my Facebook page or in private messages. I appreciate that some of what I write touches people and that you can relate. I went through so much of my life thinking that I was different, and that I was the only one growing up in an unhappy and abusive family. I spent so much energy plastering a smile on my face to hide what I was really feeling that I lost my ability to feel for a long time.

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Opening the door to feel again was both good and bad. It wasn’t easy trudging through the past, though I’m glad I did the work to get me to where I stand now. I have learned that I don’t really need to process everything to heal. I need to forgive others, and particularly to forgive myself, acknowledge the feelings and choose to move on. Recognition and forgiveness have allowed me the freedom to mourn and let go.

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

I don’t intend for this blog to be a diatribe about all that I’ve been through, but more an outlet for things that are going through my mind. I feel like I’m processing things on overdrive and the more I open myself to the possibilities the more I’m growing and experiencing. The more I’m growing, the more I’m attracting like-minded people that I can continue the work with. Manifestation is a beautiful thing, especially when you feel you deserve the beauty and joy that you draw to you.

I can be pretty hard on myself, especially when I find I’m repeating behaviors that I’m not happy with. I’ve heard people say this is like falling in a pothole over and over. Instead of doing this, I’m focusing on being grateful for those experiences that help me recognize that I can make better choices. I can choose to try something different.

“Until a person can say deeply and honestly say, “I am what I am today because of the choices that I made yesterday,” That person cannot say, “I choose to otherwise.”” ~Stephen R. Covey

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Painting My New Landscape

Now that I’m back working in a corporate job, things have changed in many ways. Some are more obvious than others.

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I must admit that getting a regular paycheck is nice. I really enjoyed my “lady of leisure” time when I wasn’t working, and found some satisfaction in prioritizing where my money goes. I considered what was important to me that I was not willing to give up, and didn’t miss out on any of those things. For anything else, I decided to not spend the money to give me more time. There was something very satisfying of feeling that sense of control over my expenses.

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Hours in the Chair

I now need to make those same decisions about my time. When I had all of my time at my disposal, I could do most of the things that I wanted to do. So, I’m prioritizing some of the things I most enjoy doing, like hiking, visiting my hospice patient and my other volunteer work, and spending time with friends, to be sure that those don’t slip.

Choosing the Right Brush

I’m finding that time seems to pass as a big blur since so much of my time now is dedicated to work. Monday blends into Tuesday, and before I know it, it’s Thursday and I’m counting down to the weekend. I don’t want to wish my life away by counting those precious hours to the weekend. I want to be sure that every day includes some things I enjoy and that I try to find some pleasure in my work.

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Life is always a work in progress. I now do a better job of making decisions that are consistent with the person I am. The challenging part that I am facing now, is what to do about it: making a choice to consciously do what feels right, and not be guided by what I think I should do. Or not getting caught up in trying to be the best, and trying to please other people at the expense of myself. Sometimes this includes turning off my work when my hours are over, and not dedicating more time and energy to it than are required. It is also going to include setting realistic expectations of what I can do with my boss, as I’m already getting pressure to take more work on then I believe I can reasonably do.

Every day is a new opportunity to pull out my brush and practice my painting skills with some abstract concepts like balance and happy. It takes lots of practice to become expert at anything. Spending time consciously making decisions with where I spend my time won’t always be easy, but every time I practice that skill, it will get easier.